T-4 days with a bit of music and mania (and an overdue apology) thrown in for good measure

Warning - this might be a bit dis-jointed. My mind is racing and I want to get this done before I lose my steam. So, I've finally figured out that in order to succeed at maintaining a training blog you actually have to train. Huh, imagine that. All this time I was blaming my lame 2011 blog on writers block.
As I rode tonight - thank you Richy -
I had sooo many thoughts and so much to say. Almost enough to make up for the lack of posts...I will be happy if I get half of it down tonight.

I'm going to start with some reflections based on the playlist I listened to during my run. Tonight it seemed like every singer was speaking to me during my tender time of need! Let me re-cap some tunes for you...

First Song - Jordin Sparks. One Step at a Time. Well duh, this was inspiring (no sarcasm intended) because really, when she sings: "We live and we learn to take one step at a time, there's no need to rush" - she is talking to me, particularly the "TRIathlete" (hahaha) version of me. I keep telling myself as long as I finish - as long as I complete - it's going to be a success. Miss Jordin is the angel telling me everything is going to be okay. Footnote - see PINK's lyrics below to learn what the devil is telling me, that little bastard.
And When JS sings"
"You believe and you doubt. You're confused, you got it all figured out"
I hear the ultimate contradictions that make me feel understood. I do believe I can do this, but I am so disappointed in myself for not taking my training more seriously.
Ok, that's lame and predictable - moving on to Justin Beebs... Never Say Never. Does it get any better ? And the playlist was on Shuffle, just got lucky I guess!

I never thought I could feel this power.
I never thought that I could feel this free.
I'm strong enough to climb the highest tower.
And I'm fast enough to run across the sea

ok, so those last 2 lines (particularly the last line!!) are a little over the top, but you get the point. He's such a little nugget of teeny bopper love - Go Justin Beebs! I'm not ashamed to say I love you! xoxo

On to my hero and idol - PINK. (goodness I am clever).

Made a wrong turn
once or twice.
Dug my way out,
blood and fire.
Bad decisions,
that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.

Ok that's pretty basic and kind of describes most people's lives at one point or another. (Unless of course you are my husband - AKA Perfect Penny.) Well, this
may have been a poor choice... but I digress...
When PINK goes on to talk to me..oh, and this is the footnote I was talking about above:
"You're so mean
When you talk
about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead"

Note to self: stop all of this negative self talk. What good does it do? Thanks PINK. No wonder you are my # 1 girl crush!

On to Eye of the Tiger (are you jealous of my play list yet??)
Risin' up, straight to the top
Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive
No additional commentary necessary.

Back to Pink-
"So what, I'm still a rock star - I got my rock moves"
Have you seen me dance?

So that sums up my playlist. I definitely need to fine tune it for the TRI so I can have maximum motivation for the run. Ideas welcome!

While I have continued to avoid regular and consistent training I have blamed my lack of motivation on a myriad of different things -work, being too busy with Izzy's activities, spending a lot of time sewing and trying to get birdie & chick up and running, being too tired to function, ongoing health related issues with my Mom, blah blah blah....At the end of the day, what I have described here is LIFE. Nothing more. Nothing less. I have simply got to learn balance. I tend to go for things full speed and I have grand plans (Mania?) and huge ambition (Mania?) my mind races and I get super excited and feel I can do anything (mania?). It is predictable and not terribly surprising that I lose steam, poop out, fail, call it what you want.

At this point, I am feeling okay with myself, despite my gross lack of preparation, and this is probably because what I've described above has been an ongoing trend in my life.
But, what I am not feeling so okay with, what is really making my heart heavy and weighing on my mind, is the fact that I feel I have let someone that I care about down. See, last year, immediately after the TRI, like 10 seconds after I finished, I told my dear BBBBFFFF "you are doing this with me next year" - and silly girl, she went and signed up. I repeatedly told her we'd have so much fun training together and going to clinics and practicing transition. None of which I have been consistent with, or done at all for that matter. Last year you were BY MY SIDE for it all - in that kayak during a hurricane with a camera for goodness sakes, oh and helping to hoist me into the wetsuit... You were so supportive every swim/bike/step of the way, and you continue to be in all areas of our lives. I only hope I can do the same for you. I have been selfish and I owe you so much more than I have given you. Please know that despite my lameness, you mean the world to me. xoxoxox


So, I do feel it's safe to say that I will cross the finish line Sunday. The swimming training has actually gone quite well - no wetsuit this year! Hallelujah!!!! It should be interesting to see how my time stacks up...The bike ride today - holy cow, I had forgotten about most of those hills. My hands got numb, my knees were cracking, my Precious Vahinia is so sore it hurts to sit down. And those freakin' bike shoes, who invented those awful things? Al, I wore the new kicks tonight - thank you! They are perfect. And I finally have a new outfit so I don't have to look like Kermit this year - instead I will be going for more of a "Tinky Winky - The Gay Teletubby" look.



do you see the resemblance?



Wish me well - please - I need all the good loving vibes I can get.
My fund raising this year is pretty bleak. In the interest of raising money for a cause close to my heart, please feel free to stop by and donate a few dollars!

Monday, Monday

Woah----what a day. I'm exhausted. Ran then swam...glad to have another good workout behind me...ready for BED.





During my run - feeling pretty good. Here's my action shot...

And here's my Thank GOD that is over shot:




Then, just for funsies, I swam 1/3 mile...if you see me on the ground tomorrow, please be kind and help me up.

Sequel

I know, I know, the last post was borrrrring. Sorry. This isn't going to be too jazzy either, but I am feeling so guilty not writing. (Clearly not THAT guilty, or I would be writing).
Basically, in a brief nutshell... Despite a lot of things working against me, I have started swimming again. AMEN! Bad news turned good - I lost and found my brand new bathing suit all in the course of 7 days.
A few weeks ago I went to the pool and had to swim laps the "short way" because it was "family swim" and "deep water aerobics" so there were no lanes in. That was not my favorite.

I've been swimming with Ali...yay Ali.

I've been trying to be better about running - funny thing, a couple of weeks ago I decided to run to our soccer game and I thought it was about 2.5 miles, maybe a teeny bit more. So in an abundance of caution and to ensure that I would be there in plenty of time, I gave myself 30 minutes. Well, guess what?? That run is almost 4 miles (3.92 - counts as FOUR in my book). So, I was a little late to the game and going crazy with anxiety about how on earth I will ever be able to complete the TRI in one piece if I can't even run 2 miles in 30 minutes...
O well, again, bad news turned good! I was pretty proud when I "mapped my run"



Mondays are my big days -- I swim, run AND sew!!
So, I will try to report on something funny or odd that happens to me tonight - I'm sure there will be something.

And, even better, tomorrow Ali & I are going to do our first open water swim of the season....that should have some funny stuff to write about. Ali, will you be wearing your wetsuit? Smiles and hugs to my friends/readers.

B

Run to Wednesday Practice

Are the whispers to test me?

Dear Diary:

Prequel - I started this post on Wednesday evening - Google was "performing maintenance" i.e., out drinking, and I could not post this to my profile to save my life. So, it's Friday morning and I'm sitting with coffee and my feet up and I'm going to do the best I can to get this blog updated!

Ok,

What the heck happened after "Week One, Day Two" way back in May? I'm not sure, but I do know one thing - there's nothing I can do about it now. I need to move forward - move ahead - keep on keeping on.
So, starts my week last week - I was damn determined to start swimming regularly. Tuesday after Memorial Day, a perfect day for a fresh start. I think about starting my training (for real this time) all day and as soon as I'm home from work I suit up in my fancy new suit, (thank you swimoutlet.com) pack my bag and wait for Al to pick us up...I'm happy, excited, fired up...so much so that I'm actually ready when my ride arrives! This was me, excited for a swim...



Arrive at the community center, walk up to the swim desk and the SPCC peeps look at us kinda cockeyed (like Murphy does when you say, "Do you wanna treat?!" in a funny voice) and tell us nicely that, duh, there is no open swim. Backtrack for a minute.. I had called the Community Center that afternoon to make SURE there would be lap lanes in for the open swim hour, and the nice lady assured me there would be. Damn you nice lady. We call all around trying to find public pools - no luck. Two little girls in the back seat with sad faces...and two girls in the front seat bummed, but not to be deterred, we'd try again tomorrow.
Fast forward to Wednesday- Repeat above re; bathing suit, enthusiasm, etc. Replay arrival at the community center and walk up...this time the nice lady tells us some punk dropped glass on the pool deck and they will be vacuuming the pool for 15 minutes. NO WAY. Seriously? Dash to Hannaford with 2 special kids, a/k/a my training partners, and back to the pool 30 minutes later to learn they are still vacuuming and there is no way i am going to get my arse in that pool tonight either. So, this is where we did our training Wednesday night:


Just not meant to be...I am frustrated, but again, some higher force of nature or The Secret or some shit like that does not want me to be swimming. Probably the Life Guard God did not want me to put the SPCC life guards in danger of burning their eyeballs with the sight of me in that funky bathing suit...thanks Life Guard God. Awesome job.

So, the Life Guard God cannot stop me from running, right? Start with a nice, easy run. I need a destination - a reason to run - a reason to actually need to get someplace, cause it would be way too crazy to just run for the fun of it. [Proven by me Saturday morning when I was all suited up to run to Wainright to see our soccer girls play lacrosse, Papa Penny drove Morgan & Iz and assured me they would be at the fields and we would meet up when I got there. I gear up, bondi band, IPod and all...only to get a phone call from PPP, "don't bother, there is some festival and no girls' lacrosse today" - a NORMAL person would say ok, and then go on a run anyway, just because. Just for the goodness of health and fitness. BUT OH NO, Not Me. No game. No Run. Off come the running shoes and on come the slum slacks.] Fast Forward through a day of sewing (fun) and to Sunday morning - game day! WOO HOO nothing better than game day morning! Fired up. Gonna play hard and win big, right!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Week One - Day Two

For all two of my (lovely) readers, my intention was to do a super sassy entry tonight..sort of an unveiling of my Tri Training Part II...but..now it's 11:18 PM, I just spent way too long ordering swim stuff on SwimOutlet.com (while watching The Voice, my new favorite show... demonstrating that I can still multitask like a champ -seriously now, reality television AND online shopping simultaneously..) I'm exhausted.
I will say, though, that I am starting my TRI training a full month (and a few weeks) earlier than I did last year. PROUD!
Got to sign up for the Twilight 5k - June 9th. I have to look up my old 5k times and I really want to beat my PR - which is nothing special, but still...it will give me a concrete goal to shoot for.
Oh, training.. my body hurts. I could hardly walk all day after Week One - Day One. But, I was still determined to take the stairs at work - 4 flights. And I still did my workout today. And I'm still upright, sort of.
Anyhow, for you - my two loyal readers - Ali & Audrey - this is the best I can do, but there is oh so much more to come! I promise. Oh, Izzy did say to me tonight when I got home from running and was getting ready to jump in the shower, "Just HOW MANY bras ARE you wearing, Mumma?" - Truth, tonight - THREE. Lordy Be. Hopefully I'll be down to a mere two brassieres in a few short...months ?? I can only hope.
Just heard a huge bump upstairs, perhaps my daughter fell out of bed? Now I HAVE to climb the stairs to go see what the hub-bub is all about. Ouch, my buns hurt just thinking about the stairs.
Night..
B

Entry...what entry??

I was going to try to do an entry this morning, but now I have spent too much time on other things to get it done.

Real quick - first workout in FOUR WEEKS yesterday. I'm glad I did it, but I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to get back to it. I've been suffering terribly emotionally for three of the four weeks so someone is trying to tell me that there is more of a benefit to exercising than keeping your body fit. My mind obviously needs some relief. GOD bless those in my life who have had to suffer along with me for the past three weeks.

Please know that I'm working in small steps toward the place I was four weeks ago. I've been there. I've smiled and known I could do it. I gotta keep moving on so I can get to that place again. It sounds like I'm writing to you - the Internetses (!!) but really I am writing to myself...