Entry...what entry??

I was going to try to do an entry this morning, but now I have spent too much time on other things to get it done.

Real quick - first workout in FOUR WEEKS yesterday. I'm glad I did it, but I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to get back to it. I've been suffering terribly emotionally for three of the four weeks so someone is trying to tell me that there is more of a benefit to exercising than keeping your body fit. My mind obviously needs some relief. GOD bless those in my life who have had to suffer along with me for the past three weeks.

Please know that I'm working in small steps toward the place I was four weeks ago. I've been there. I've smiled and known I could do it. I gotta keep moving on so I can get to that place again. It sounds like I'm writing to you - the Internetses (!!) but really I am writing to myself...

Check In

I will finish the story of the day of the TRI! I promise.
Things are a little hectic and I have been going straight to bed instead of sitting up typing! Give me a few more days and I will be back on track.

To Whom It May Concern:

Being solo in my quest was what I preferred during training. However, it would have been pretty damn incredible to have been experiencing this for the first time with a friendly, smiling face and a pair of open arms to fall in to before, during and after the race. I knew a few people racing, and I met a few along the way. Don't get me wrong, this was fun the way I did it - on my own. I just feel like the experience would be made even more rewarding by sharing it with another person.

Thankfully during the busy and exhausting day I did see Jen D., Liz P., Nicole B. and a few other familiar faces. This was nice, but it didn't compare to sharing the preparation, the anticipation of the day, the total experience and accomplishment with a close friend.

So here is my pitch: Training partner wanted. Experience in swimming, biking or running preferred but certainly not necessary. Requirements do include multiple e-mail check-ins per week, sharing weekly schedule suggestions, attending fun monthly meetings to set goals and a desire to train in new locations and in new ways outside the traditional box. Ocean swimming! Road and Mountain Biking. Hiking. Snow Shoeing.

Unwavering support, cheer leading and BFF experience preferred and will be reciprocated.

PS, if you can't tell by now, Ali, this means YOU.

Thank you for being there for me. Next year I hope we can tackle the TRI together!!!

xoxooxoxo

Swimmers Take Your Mark

I feel like I have painted a fairly accurate picture of my day so far. The anticipation, the excitement, the nerves. The preparation, the doubt, the determination and courage.

Let's talk for a minute about the courage. Any idea how much courage it takes to put a wetsuit on in front of your family & friends? I would say the courage it takes to do that is equal to, if not greater than, committing to do something like a triathlon, especially when the commitment is made public by a serious attempt to get friends and family to participate with generous donations.

I do feel, in a way, that this quest has been a journey of ours together. Something I have been able to share with my friends and family. Everyone has been so supportive, positive and helpful during this quest. I always knew I was capable of doing it, but never did I imagine that so many people would play roles in this story of my mid-life crisis management.

I knew I had support. I knew I was loved. But coming home from the Triathlon Sunday afternoon finding message after message asking for updates shocked me. Never did I anticipate such a huge group of supporters. I am so proud of the fact that over 100 people joined forces to help ME raise such a huge amount of money for Cancer Programs in Maine.

A lot of the credit for my determination and honesty lies here in this silly little blog that has quickly come to mean a lot to me. I can kid myself, tell myself I'm doing all I can to train. But I am not going to set forth any falsities here. In order to write I had to train!! Lots of training sessions were spent thinking about (and trying to remember) witty titles and funny anecdotes. This alone forced me to open my eyes and look around and see people and things in a different way...
Stop...
I have found myself sitting in front of the TV at the Happiness Hotel watching Star Wars on VHS and typing aimlessly about everything except the swim.

The title says "Swimmers Take Your Mark" and my intent was to write about the first leg of the TRI. I'm wondering how different this post would have been if I had written in Sunday night. Or even Monday morning. I feel like the TRI was weeks ago. It's only been 4 days, but in a way it feels like forever ago. Trying to put myself back at SMCC at 2:00 pm on Sunday August 15th...

The swim....When you mention triathlon, EVERYONE talks about the swim, how intimidating it is, how scary it must be and a number of people have said to me, "I could not do what you're doing. I could not do it because of the swim." Come on PEOPLE, this is just plain horseshit. I met at least 4 women during this process who shared with me the fact that they had just learned to swim this year. One woman had never even put her face in the water until January. Not only did these women learn to swim - they did so well and made so much progress that they were able to swim 1/3 mile in the ocean. So PLEASE no one say to me, "I couldn't do that" or "I might be able to bike and run, but I couldn't do the swimming" because it's just plain untrue. If you have any desire to do this, you can. Just to re-cap my example, yes, I have been swimming for most of my life, but never have I taken a formal lesson or done any competitive swimming. I have built endurance, but more importantly my confidence, by practicing-training twice a week at the pool. I have increased my laps from 2 or 3 to 22 or 23. It can be done.

As for the TRI, we swam in waves - the SURVIVORS swam first followed by the U19 women 5 minutes later. We were grouped by age and because we could not see the water at this point, the race director was announcing for us a bit of a play-by-play description, "the survivors are getting in the water," and "the U19 group has 30 seconds until they start." The age groups at this point are starting to swim in waves that take off every 3 minutes. Each age group was distinguished with a different colored swim cap. My age group was RED. This didn't mean a lot to me until I realized that after me swam the lime greens and then blues, but I will come to that in a bit.....

My new friend Kate had shared with me her plan to stop and count to 10 when it was finally time for her to go. I'm not sure if I actually did that, but I know I did not rush into the water like a madman. I did not rush at all. I had decided to take it slow, and I must say I was a success. I put my face in the water and started. I do not believe I did any bilateral breathing. I was doing freestyle but only breathing to my right side. I did a multitude of things differently for this swim; namely, I put my wetsuit on correctly, put my goggles on correctly, kept my nerves in check and the biggest difference...I swam consistently the whole 1/3 mile. I did not stop at all. Why then, we can all take a moment here to ponder,...did I not cut any time off my swim?? No clue why it still took me 20 long minutes to do, but 20 minutes it was. I'm not too sure what I thought about during the swim...I believe it was a little like an out of body experience...I left and went somewhere else while my body was tortured with kicks to the face and salt water up my nose. I did backstroke a lot and I tried to stay in between 2 other swimmers so I could gage where I was and if I was going in the correct direction toward the buoys.
I spent the last half of the swim having a conversation with myself that sounded a little bit like this: "Beth, pee. NOW. PEE!! You will save so much time if you just PEE. You know you have to. This is your chance to cut 3 minutes you would otherwise spend in the nasty-ass porta potty." You see, I have discovered it is something of an impossibility, the art of peeing and swimming at the same time. It cannot be done. One must be EITHER swimming OR peeing. One cannot successfully do both at the same time.
Oh, and remember the colored swim caps mentioned above? The group after me wore some kickin' cool lime green swim caps. The group after them, a pretty blue.
About half way through my swim, between thoughts of wanting to pee and wondering where my family was stationed, I started seeing lime green heads coming at me incredibly fast. Passing me. I try telling myself to relax, that it's no big deal. Of course they are going to pass me, after all I swim like I run...slow like molasses! On I go, continuing to alternate my stroke between freestyle and backstroke. Then, horrified I realize there are now pretty blue heads coming at me. These women were 10 years older than me, left 6 minutes after I did and were kicking my sorry ass to the curb. What could I do? I certainly could not have been swimming any faster. I did what I could do and that was the best I had. I made it. I was done. I proceeded to get my wetsuit stripped by a handsome man who handed the suit back to me, patted me on the back and wished me well.

I tried, with just a little success, to jog to my mini transition station and OMG who do I see (really I heard them before I saw them because they were yelling my name!!)?? My precious Ben & Heidi. Soon to be married and if ever famous they will be a collective "BEIDI". These cool kats are cheering for me!! Someone in the crowd knows me and is even cheering for me!! This quickly becomes a definite highlight of the day! 2 familiar smiles cheering me on. Words here can't say how happy it made me.

So, I'm super pumped now. I finished the swim AND I have 2 fans in the crowd. I'm so beside myself with pride and happiness that I take off, leaving my $300 wetsuit on the ground for everyone to trample. The plan had been to carry my wetsuit to transition. Um, not sure what happened to the plan, but I took off heading for Transition with just my swim cap, goggles, a small towel and a bottle of water.
Wearing flip flops was strongly discouraged, but I did so nonetheless. As I was running up the hill to transition I set my eyes on my posse...Sis, Dad, Rich, Iz, Madi, Ali, Aud, Tony, Shanny...and a little further up the hill I spot my cousin Brian! This keeps me going and puts a big smile on my

face. I am continuing to be such the poser I always am, and was so intent on getting my picture taken that I ran right out of my flip flop and I had to turn around to grab it. (Notice them in my hand in the picture!).
Currently barefoot, I continue on. People are cheering. Lots of racers are running to their bikes as if they're being chased by Big Foot. I did some walking/jogging/walking/jogging. I knew I would eventually get to my bike. I was trying to take a minute to breathe and pat myself on the back for a job well done. What was the big rush? I had to stop at the porta potty and PEE anyway. After which I checked my hair in the little porta potty mirror and walked to my bike with a spring in my step big enough to carry me through the rest of the day.

I got a feeling...

A few days have passed. I'm back. I feel a bit like no matter what I write here, it won't be good enough, descriptive enough, cool enough. But I can't let it stop me because my mother-in-law would be extremely disappointed. Not to mention, I do want to tell the story. The story of the day I proved to myself that I can accomplish what I set my mind to. The day I looked around and saw the people who love me the most. The day I broke my NO porta-potty rule..TWICE.

Here's the story of a sassy thirty-nine year old lady who kicked some serious ass.

I should start by saying I read a lot about what to expect. I think I read more about how to handle a triathlon than I did 9 years ago about how to handle a newborn baby. I read about how to train, how to hydrate, how to make sure your bike is in a low gear when you rack it. I read in detail about how wetsuits suck, how not to fall down while putting one on and how easily they tear. I also read about triathlons being addictive. OK, you get it. I read a shit-load (my standard unit of measurement) about TRIs before the big day. I read it all. Except one very important piece of information...details/fine print regarding check in central; where to get dropped off with your gear, where to get your body marked and where to get your bike inspected. Doh.

Upon entry to SMCC, the security guard/rent-a-cop certainly did not point us in any particular direction. He was also so concerned with our car getting by his bad-ass without his nod of approval that he didn't notice the baby running into the road directly in front of him. Priorities Officer Friendly, priorities! You should know that by this time, about 11:40, Rich is a little (a lot) impatient with me. I have taken my time, but I was NOT late. Not by a mile. I just was a little more relaxed in getting ready than I think he felt was appropriate. So we have words about where to park, who's going to close the truck door, how much SHIT I have as well as the fact that I have to handle said shit all on my own once I enter Transition.

Lesson # 1 - BE ABLE TO HANDLE EVERYTHING YOU TAKE TO TRANSITION ON YOUR OWN.

Kiss goodbye and I'm off with a huge bag full of everything I could possibly need. Bike shoes, helmet, goggles, swim cap, powder, balance bars, wetsuit, water bottles, sneakers. That is only half the story. The bag was so full I had to put some extra water bottles in a separate paper bag. Walking to my transition station (there are only about 950 so finding your ONE itty bitty location is really easy), the paper bag breaks and my 3 water bottles all roll out of my reach. I have my bike and my bag and no hands. A lovely lady did help me by taking one of the water bottles to Rich because I had finally broken down and realized I could not handle all of the stuff myself. See Lesson # 1.

Really, finding my spot in Transition was not that difficult. Every bike rack is marked with numbers. Eventually I find 331-336. Bingo. Golden. I'm feeling super charged up. On time, prepared, great day. Look around, take in the sites, the people, the people with numbers on their arms and legs. Uhh, wait a second:

ME to transition neighbor # 340: "Where did you get your body marked?, I'm not marked."
# 340 "who let you in here without getting marked?"
ME: "Um, no one really let me in, I cut through the yellow tape."
#340: "The yellow tape that says "DO NOT CROSS" all over it?"
ME: "Um. Yep."
# 340 "See that line wayyyy down there about a half mile away, with 948 people in it? The one that stretches almost to Cape Elizabeth? Yeah, that's where you AND your bike need to go. NOW."
Me: "Doh."

Now, here I sit tonight, knowing this was soo not a big deal. At the time however, I kind of got into panic mode. My heart was pounding. I was having a conversation in my head that included the words "idiot, stupid and dumb ass".

Lesson # 2 - DON'T CUT THROUGH CRIME SCENE TAPE. IT'S THERE FOR A REASON.
To save space and to save you from falling asleep I will assure you all worked out well, I eventually got to the end of the line, thankfully I found myself right next to Liz Pattison. Liz's kind smile and friendly, encouraging words put me at ease right away. The saving grace of this whole snafu was that I had already found the #335 spot and dropped my big-ass bag. All I had to deal with was me, my helmet, race packet & bike. I spent a little time here putting on my time chip, stickering my helmet and bike...the line moves incredibly fast and before I know it, my left arm is marked with #335 (duh); BETH is scrawled down my right arm; and 39 - my AGE - is on display for all to see on my right calf. Bike inspection, CHECK. Helmet check, CHECK. Rich and Iz had already pumped my tires so I was good to go, for real this time. Phew.

Lesson # 3 - IF YOU ARE NORMALLY FAIRLY DISORGANIZED, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD STICK TO THAT SAME M.O. TODAY.

I definitely threw myself for a loop by being ultra organized and so thorough in my prep. I could pat myself on the back for this or slap myself across the face. Right before I left the house on Sunday I went up and down the stairs a few times looking for my sunglasses. No luck. No time. I took my second pair, which was perfectly fine, but I'm still finding myself a little irritated that I was not more careful with something so important on such a big day. About an hour later, I suddenly and randomly realize that my "misplaced" sunglasses (because they were so important) were one of the first things that went into my TRI bag early Sunday morning. Sunglasses AND chap stick. A bit of advice, when you put your chap stick inside your sneaker for safe keeping and forget about the clever hiding spot 4 minutes later, that is not helpful, that is just plain sucky. I had to actually ask a stranger to let me use her lip balm. That is a low of all lows. My sister eventually saved the day with hers, but shortly after that (when I put my sneakers on. I know, shocking) I recovered the chap stick that was with me all along, safely hidden too well for me to find. Oh Beth.

Lesson # 4 - LOOK AROUND. SMILE.

Once I was okay with my transition area and had put the 90% still full bag in the gutter (because I really only needed six things), I started to breathe. Take it all in. Look around. Then I had to pee. Along with 949 other nervous bellies. This is at about the same time Stasia sends me a text, "do you have the nervous poops yet?" THANK GOODNESS I did not have to deal with any of that. I did use the porta potty, as the introductory paragraph joked. But I also used this time to go check out the swim with my family, look around the transition run and bike entrance and exit, see the groups of women chatting, many carrying pink caps that signify their SURVIVOR status.
I did approach a few women with questions and they were all very kind and friendly. One young (YOUNG) woman and I chatted about wearing flip flops versus sneakers during the run between the swim and the bike. This question haunted me for about 25 minutes before I realized, there is no right or wrong way. There is only my way. And if I find that the way I try it the first time doesn't work, well then, I'll try something different the next time (and there WILL be a next time). As we're chatting I look down at this sweet, beautiful young woman's hand. In it she holds a PINK survivor swim cap. "It's been almost a year," she tells me. She jokes that she "WON" her spot in the TFC by being one of the high fundraisers in the Twilight 5k. She wonders, "was it a prize or a curse?" and we laugh because we're both starting to question what we have done, what we are doing. We say goodbye and wish one another well. She is just a baby. Someone's baby. And a survivor. And a triathlete. I'm surrounded by heroes. I'm surrounded by survivors. I'm surrounded by women doing what they can to make a difference in Maine. This event raised over $900,000.00 for Maine Cancer programs/prevention/research. I am in awe.
Lesson # 5 - NO MATTER HOW FULL YOUR TRI BAG IS OF JUNK THAT YOU DO NOT NEED, DON'T FORGET TO PACK YOUR TISSUES, YOU BIG CRY BABY.
The opening ceremony was emotional. First because I finally met my new friend Kate. We had been introduced by Richy through email. Rich had told Kate, one of his best FEDEX customers, that I was training for the TFC. She immediately emailed me to introduce herself. Kate has been so kind to me over the past few weeks; inviting me to swim groups, giving me advice regarding training, wetsuits, whatever I needed. She is so incredibly sweet. She also became my Facebook friend and began following this silly blog. We felt like we knew each other, although we had never formally met. We were definitely destined to meet during the opening ceremonies. How else would I have found this lovely, cute, spunky girl among 948 other women all dressed in black wetsuits and swim caps? I spot her face almost immediately upon reaching the grassy spot we're starting from, I approach her, we hug for a long time, and she starts to get weepy, just like me. So much emotion! Kate introduces me to her friends/training partners. We find Richy and wave, showing him that we've finally met. I want him to see that I have a buddy to take care of me. Kate and I...we are friends. We are friends for life.

At this point, the cancer survivors make their way up to the front of the pack, they each read a line from a poem about Survival. The message was simple and powerful, Cancer can take your body, but it can't take your spirit, heart or soul.
More tears. Sniffles. No tissues. Need. Tissues. Now.

I'm going to stop here, before the first swimmers even get in the water.

Let me know if you want to hear more about the TRI experience.

Beautiful Day

Here's a pic of SMCC at sunrise...the place is going to be rockin' today.

I've just hydrated a bit, enjoyed a Kailua Monkey Smoothie. I'm re-checking my list for my TRI bag, listening to an incredible mix of music Ali put together for me. Sipping just a bit of coffee. All the while, thanking my lucky stars for the most wonderful husband on the planet.

HE IS THE ROCK STAR for putting up with all my bull crap.

Izzy's just asked me "Mumma, how long will it take you today to do the whole TRI?" I said, "Probably somewhere around 2 hours." "NOT BAD!!!" she responds. She sounded really impressed!!!

Ok, moment of truth turning the computer off...but not before snapping a picture!

The time has come

I do not have a lot to say tonight.

I had a great day, though. I ran into tons of friends at Art in the Park. Was so proud to see Izzy's work on display. The race-prep expo was awesome. I enjoyed time with my family and I even got to take it easy by the pool at the BCC.

Now, my bags are packed and I'm ready to go.

Let's get this party started.

Ready As I'll Ever Be!

What a difference a week makes! Last week at this time I was tattered and torn, down in the dumps. Feeling a little sorry for myself!

Today Team Penny and Team Gant headed down to the beach at SMCC together.



The wet suit was applied to my body with much improvement! I was a lot more comfortable pulling it up all the way and it definitely was not so darn tight. I did not zip it entirely up the back which was a great choice. I felt like I could breathe and move (and actually swim!) and it was such a relief!

The tide was low, but that may have been the worst part of the whole experience! I don't think I swam 1/3 mile, but it felt so good to actually be able to swim more than a few strokes before having to stop to catch my breath. I did primarily backstroke and I'm okay with that. Transition 1 should be interesting, but this is my first TRI so I am going to concentrate on the swim, the bike and the run. Not so much the transitions. I am ready for T1, I know what I need and I know what T1 consists of - I'm just not sure it's worth it to me to kill myself trying to save 90 seconds putting my shoes on.

It's gotta be short & sweet tonight. I'm beat!

Anyway, after last week's difficult ocean swims, tonight was a huge personal success.
And a yummy pasta dinner with great friends was also quite fun!
I am blessed.

A Post of Numbers Together with Visualizing Success

A post of numbers along with some success visualization

Eleven ~ the number of new Facebook Friends I have met because of TFC.

Seven ~ the number of minutes I wore my wetsuit before it got ripped.

Thirty Five ~ the number of posts on this silly little blog

Sixty-Nine ~ the number of pictures I have posted in my "Training for my First TRI" album.

Two ~ the number of running shoes generously given to me by AliKat.

Eight Hundred Twelve ~ the number of HITS this blog has gotten.

One Hundred Seven ~ the number of friends and family that have generously sponsored me in this awesome event

Eight and One-Half ~ the number of pounds gone

Fifteen ~ the number of miles I will ride on Sunday

Four ~ the number of nights I have been unable to sleep due to racing brain and anxiety.

Thirty-two ~ the number of e-mails I have sent to Kelly Martin over the past 12 weeks.

Two Thousand Sixty ~ the number of dollars I have raised for the Maine Cancer Foundation.

Three ~ the number of different times I picked up the book "Slow Fat Triathlete" at Borders before buying it.

Seven ~ the number of days I will be on vacation after the TRI

Twelve ~ the number of laps that equal a mile at the track I run.

Three POINT One ~ the number of miles I will "run" on Sunday.

Eight ~ the number of fans I expect will be cheering me on this weekend.

Fifteen ~ the number of peanut butter M&Ms I ate tonight.

Three ~ the number of days until the big event

One ~ the number of sports bras I will have to wear on Sunday (this number has previously been 2-3).

• Zero ~ the number of times I have run the course.
  
• One-Third ~ the number of miles I will swim on Sunday.
  
• Seventeen ~ the number of dollars my husband spent on the pink handlebar tape I just HAD to have.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  TWELVE ~ the number of times I tried to fix the formatting of this post before I gave up and published it.
  
  

Wandering Mind..

I am going to do a true confessions post... just for fun. I'm so tired I can't think. I'm just going to let my mind wander and get some stuff off my chest, out there for the world to see.

First, though, I wll do a mini report:I did run and swim tonight. Wondering a bit about backing off the workout - I've got to look into that. Also thinking a lot about nutrition Fri/Sat/Sun.
Richy bought me some kick arse PINK handlebar tape tonight ($17.00 !!! yikes) because he knew I HAD to have it. Tomorrow my friend AllyCat (the boy Ally, not to be confused with AliKat) is going to wrap my handlebars for me!!! Planning to have some fun tomorrow night with my little friend Jo Jo (Jay Jay, Jordyn) and Iz. Going to take tomorrow completely OFF. Then Friday, open water swim with AliKat (girl version) - we will again attempt the SMCC swim!!
Ooops - I have still not run the run leg of the course. Whoooopsie! I might have to bike it or drive it so I have some idea of what to expect. My ears still hurt. I have raised a SHIT-LOAD (that is a scientific form of measurement, FYI) of money for the Maine Cancer Foundation. I'm so happy and excited!!

Ok, start the wandering mind....I had a whole bunch to say a minute ago, then started writing about the technical training stuff (Dull) and now it's as if I have just downed a shot they call the "Mind Eraser" - a bevvie I have, at some God awful point in my life, actually ingested.

• I am a copy-KAT. This blog was inspired by the following excellent blog:
  http://jendimond.blogspot.com/ - I did ask Jen, before I started, how she would feel about me modeling a blog after her clever idea. She was flattered and so on I went. It started as Thirty Nine for 39 with the notion that I would also attempt to do 39 pretty darn cool things before I turn 40. I never really made a list. The blog has sort of morphed into a "See Beth Run" blog...I will say that it has kept me on track and made me feel accountable.
• I love my dog so much it hurts. I kiss her on the lips ALL the time. I can't get enough of her.
• My 8 year old monster of a daughter still sleeps in between Rich and I about 80% of the time.
• I worry about Izzy's self-esteem and body image issues and am constantly trying to figure out subtle ways to promote positive self image so she can enjoy life in a confident way. I want her to know she has the power to do whatever she wants.
• I am possibly the most impatient person alive.
• I think about giving birth to another baby a lot. I do not, however, want another child. My labor and birthing experience was the most incredible thing I have ever done.
• My house is a mess.
• I wonder why I can't accept that if something has been hidden in the back of my closet or behind my bed since the last time my in-laws visited, then I probably don't need it. I'm talking about unfolded laundry, crafty stuff and anything else that happened to be on the kitchen table or my window seat 10 minutes before my MIL and FIL drove up.
• I have a wicked sense of smell. Richy does not.
• I love pink. Both the color and the artist.
• I stay up way too late.
• One of the things I love the most is when my little soccer players call me "Coach Penny" off the field.
• I have so many fond recollections of going to the Topsham Public Library with my mother during summer vacations.
• I love giving people nicknames.
• I am considering going to see my doctor about my PERSPIRATION PROBLEM. I started to type "sweating" but I'm thinking perspiration is much more..sophisticated. Boys sweat, girls perspire?? But my dear friend Anna, you see, she does not sweat, she GLISTENS. I want to glisten like ANNA! For some reason I sweat like a frickin pig..wondering now, do pigs actually sweat a lot?
• I feel the need to change my font and text color OFTEN.
• I am incredibly thankful for the 2 women who made me go to the Wells High School basketball game back in 1995.
• I hate milk.
• I wish my brother and sister-in-law lived closer.
• I wish my brother would ask his girlfriend to get hitched.
• I wish my sister knew how much I loved her purty face.
• I miss my MOM.
• I hate that I am so incredibly insecure.
• I have never, ever, in my life, eaten so many Dairy Queen Blizzards (chocolate ice cream w/Reese's. Extra Reese's. Did you know you can order EXTRA PB CUPS?? OMG, do it!) as I have during the summer of 2010.
• I have a love/hate relationship with Girl Scouts.
• I have the best job I could ever hope to have.
• I used to think there were no friends like old friends, but I have learned in the past 3 years that new friends can become real friends and BFF Friends, in a way I never realized before.
• My mouth moves faster than my brain and I hurt peoples' feelings with either my tone or my words more than I wish to admit.
• My husband and sister rarely apologize when they are wrong. I don't understand this.
• I need someone to get me on the show "WHAT NOT TO WEAR" - and fast.
• My toe nails are currently MINT. Thanks Lisa!
• Doughnuts are soo good and I can not resist them. Frosty's Honey Dipped or The Cookie Jar Glazed Cruller.
• I took Izzy and Sara to camp at Small School for 6 weeks and not once did I go to Scratch Bakery.
• It has taken me a very long time to realize that expectations almost always lead to disappointment.
• I am starting to really enjoy talking to strangers that I meet when I'm out and about. Today I had a nice convo with 3 lovely ladies, probably in their 60s, who are usually at the track walking when I run.
• That said, in a situation like the swim clinic, when I did not know a sole, I was shy, quiet and kept to myself. I can't seem to figure this out.
• I miss reading.
• I drove to my friend Erin's today with my phone and ITouch on the hood of my car. It took me 3 times retracing my route to finally spot them on the side of the road.
• My husband would have been very disappointed if I had lost them or if they had been crushed by the trash truck.
• My husband would kill me if I ever got The Boot.
• Hawaii is some place I think of often.
• I wish I had studied in college.
• I wonder A LOT how different my high school, college and sports experiences might have been if I (or someone else) had realized that I struggle with ADD.
• Thank GOD for meds and a great Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner!!!
• I am addicted to Facebook, Scrabble on my ITouch, and checking my email.
• My family is my success.
• I wonder what my life's purpose is.

OK, if you're still reading this, I'm sorry I babbled wayyy longer than I anticipated.

Very therapeutic though.

Night.

Me.

This Just In..

Update: 4:32 p.m. August 11, 2010
AND THE WINNER IS....BETH DIMOND!!! Beth's generous donation tipped me OVER $2K ! I'm so excited!! My goal has been smashed by $5.00 !!


My fund raising is up to $1,965.00 !

If you are the kind & generous sponsor who puts me at or over the $2K SWEET SPOT, you will receive a SPECIAL TFC THEMED GIFT FROM MOI !!!

The link is on the side of the blog (click on My TRI link - just under "what was I smoking when I signed up for this?" !!)

and here:

http://triforacure.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=317519&supid=207289421

A Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action

I think what I'm trying to say is that if I had spent a lot more time training (specifically on the bike) and a little less time talking/blogging/blabbing about it...I might be feeling a little more confident in my ability!

But, you know what? This little silly blog (that has somehow managed to get over 600 hits!) has been the key to my training. It has kept me going. Kept me excited, happy and ambitious. I look forward to running...THAT is just crazy. But I do - I look forward to my workouts during which I think of clever things to say here and then I promptly forget them! Here are pictures from my Monday August 9th workout; well the running part. After this I swam for 45 minutes.












































Here are the pictures from Tuesday August 10th. A nice bike ride with The Boss.

It was a good workout - we did about 3/4 of the bike course because we went out so late and ran out of daylight fast. The Boss was NOT happy when an old dude on a hybrid bike passed us.

I went to the TRI Prep Clinic Expo before tonight's ride, I bought my race belt and listened to more information about The Big T - Transition!!!

Have you checked out my fundraising page??!! I have just $80.00 to go before I hit the sweet spot of $2K !! I am so grateful for all the awesome support. This really is a great cause and it is an honor to raise money for the Maine Cancer Foundation!

I could go on and on, but it's 11:30 and I have got to go to sleep.

Keep the comments coming! That was so nice to wake up this morning and read all the kind words. Thank you all!

ME

The Boss Hard at Work.

Attitude Adjustment

Off we go, I am dead-set in the middle wearing the light blue swim cap & sleeveless wetsuit.

Me, on the right, finishing up the 1/3 mile swim with 2 fellow first timers. High fives all around. It did feel good (to be done). I have to ride a bike now??

So, the past 48 hours have been unexpectedly challenging. I can handle the back spasms, I can handle a tri-suit that is too effing small, I can handle choppy seas and big ass waves. Apparently what I can't handle are a few little bumps in the road toward my first TRI.

I was some ugly on Saturday.

8:45 a.m. - Excited/nervous for my first open water swim with a group. I'm guessing at least 75% of the 70 or so women there were first timers. We got a little pep talk from a few different people - "it's OK to take it slow, you can grab onto a kayak to rest, etc." it's all good.
Ready, Set, SWIM...so I take off with the masses, I don't rush and I move to the side so I'm less likely to get kicked in the head, I tell myself I'm going to keep calm, breathe, take it slow and steady. Well, I certainly succeeded at taking it slow! Steady, not so much. It was an ugly mix of back stroke, breast stroke & free style. I couldn't do more than 4-5 strokes before I lost my breath and was sputtering uncontrollably. Honestly, I felt as if I could have performed the same on the 1/3 mile ocean swim as I could have without training even one day in the pool.
So I am pissed, but at the same time feeling kind of proud that I got through it.

Which of the 2 (maybe 3) people reading this post can swim 1/3 mile? Of those, who can do it in the ocean? OK, see, I'm starting to get it - I have made progress and I need to remember that. I am doing it. I am learning and growing and teaching. It's been a great experience so far and I can't go and ruin it with the stamping of my stubborn feet and sulking like a baby.
Although that did feel good for the 24 hours I allowed myself to bask in the disgust.

I faked it well though, this is me after the swim and before the bike:
The bike...I'm stripped out of the tri suit, put my fancy bionic bike shoes on, grab some water and a Luna Bar, helmet, etc. etc. Off we go. The boss is all over me to pedal up. Turn 'em over. Shift up, shift down.

I must say, though, it was a great ride - so pretty and although there are a number of what I refer to as hills (the write-up I just read in the "Maine Woman" magazine described the course as "relatively flat") - relatively flat MY ASS - the route is beautiful and rewarding.

In reflecting on Saturday's training, I'm diagnosing the key problems as follows: (1) my tri-suit is too small. I know, I know, they are supposed to be tight. But are they supposed to take my breath away because my rib cage has not one millimeter to expand? The reason I could not regulate my breathing or do more than 4-5 strokes at a time was not anxiety, not due to the cold water, but because my range of motion was so restricted and I couldn't take a deep breath.

So, now, what to do? At some point this week I plan to try the swim with no tri-suit. I'm also going to try to "apply" the suit more carefully, get the crotch wayyyy up (I should have listened to Izzy) so I have a little more slack, for lack of a better word, in the upper half. I'm also going to try keeping the back unzipped a bit. I suppose I would rather not wear it at all on Sunday, because it is so restricting and makes me feel crazy while I'm swimming. But, if the water is so cold that I can't stand it, at least I know that I've done it with the bad ass S&M outfit on. I know I can get through the agony despite knowing in my heart that I am capable of swimming the course much more efficiently.

OK, on to (2) THE BOSS worked me just a tad too hard on the bike. I did not think and therefore did not conserve any energy for the run - my legs were jello puddin' pops. I tried to run home, and had a really, really hard time. I think that's what pissed me off the most.
I did set off on a good note:
I got my music going, I had to walk forever before I could even attempt a jog. My breathing was still crazy and my legs felt like elasto-man. I was PISSED.

To keep it all in perspective let's remember why I do this:

Two Perfect Pennies

One Sweet Bumpkin

The BOSS has been so supportive, so helpful and so wonderful. And I love it when he bikes in front of me because his buns are rock solid! Love you babe.

I am doing this for Iz - so she can see me doing active things, participating in multiple sports and working hard to raise money for a good cause. I know when I was a kid and my dad did a triathlon, I thought he was pretty cool. He was doing something not many people could or would do. I remember going to Bath to watch that TRI. I also remember going to watch him run a marathon. Pretty incredible stuff. Hopefully Iz can be proud of her mom at some point down the road, if she ever figures out that I'm not all that bad.

Friday Night Part 2

So back to Friday - ok, I've got the tri suit on, sort of. The crotch is too low, I can feel it. And Iz is following me around saying, "the crotch should really be higher" because she was reading the directions to us as Rich hoisted me off the ground trying to pull the sleeves so I could get my arms through. Atomic Wetsuit Wedgie!
All this excitement and I was most concerned that by some twist of cruel fate I would have to go ....ahem... potty. I have enough potty problems, I don't need to add a too small tri suit, a porta potty by the ocean and Ali waiting for me outside to the equation. So now the Poop Factor has "reared" it's ugly face and my anxiety is officially on high.
Rich has firmly told me there is no way in hell I am taking the tri suit off now that it's finally on.

So, I unzip and wear it half on over to Ali's where she loads up the kayak in Rich's truck and we're off for the first open water swim. Little do I know what lies ahead. I'm excited to finally be doing it and by this time the tri suit is so damn tight the back spasms don't have a chance against me now.
Driving up to the SMCC swim start...I look at the ocean, look at Ali, look at the ocean, look at Ali, "Um, Al, this is not what it looked like during the transition clinic. It was smooth and flat..those are some serious waves. It's so windy." Ahhhhhhhhh I'm officially freaked and scared.

Now starts the comedy of me being taken down by a wave every third stroke. I get on my back, it's more comfortable and I feel like I can relax a little... until a swell hits me square in the face and I swallow about a gallon of nasty ass water, turn back over, sputter and cough, repeat, repeat, repeat. A few times I'm thinking I might actually need Ali, but I'm too proud to tell her, and I didn't want to freak her out because she was quite a ways away (only because she was trying to take pictures). My inside voice is calmly telling me "get on your back, look at the clouds and breathe" that worked for about 2 seconds until another wave crashed over my head.

I did hold on to the kayak a few times just to gain my composure and calm myself down. Ok, I finally say, that's enough. I swam for maybe 10 minutes, I experienced the water and felt my tri suit. It was the experience I wanted, and I'm happy.
Exhausted at this point, not because I worked my muscles really hard, but because I had such a hard time breathing normally for the entire swim. I can't catch my breath. It feels like it takes forever to regulate my breathing. Finally I know I can run. This isn't the order of events for the TRI, but for tonight it makes the most sense and is most practical. I put my sneakers on and run to Ali & Aaron's where they are waiting witih Rich and Iz and Mads.
I feel super tired but really happy.

We had to basically eat and run because I knew that with early Saturday morning came my second open water swim followed the entire bike course and a run from SMCC home. Gotta get some rest. Still happy, excited and proud at this point. Oh the good ole' days.

What happened??

I was all set to write about my adventures, I got through about...maybe to putting the tri suit on and fell asleep sitting up in bed with my hands still on the keyboard. So I saved what I had and shut the computer; let me go back and finish the post to end the suspense for all (2) of you !!

Friday August 6, 2010 - First Open Water Swim

What an evening..I'm not even sure where to start. How about Thursday night when we went to Dick's to look for some race day fashions. Beyond needing a light, wicking fabric I was really searching for something that would stand out - something that shouted, "HERE I COME" - I've thought a lot about this and I really want my fan club to be able to find me in the crowd of crazy women. I'm going to need all the cheering I can get and if they can't see me..well, they can't cheer for me! So, I consider the trip to Dick's quite a success. Purchased: one kelly green tank with some abstract painty design on the front; sale price $17.00. One pair of Nike Compression Capris, $35.00. Happy. Now just need to do a run through and make sure there are no glitches in the fit/fabric, etc. And to see how they are holding up after being worn under the tri-suit for the swim, through the bike and run.

Fast Forward to Friday afternoon - what a glorious day I spent at my "country club" - sun, swim, read, chill, chat...so nice. I don't know if I got on and off the floaty thing I was lazing on all afternoon too many times, or if I picked up my heavy beach back incorrectly, or if I just had a streak of plain bad luck, but no matter why or how, my lower back started to spasm as soon as I got in my car to head home.
The only thing I can compare these back spasms to are labor contractions; I can't talk 'cause they take my breath away, I can't move because it makes them worse, and you never know when they're going to start or stop.
Despite this, I had a few errands to do and no back spasms/labor pains were going to get in the way. So picture my pathetic ass walking first into CVS, finding water & advil, 3 minutes spent trying to open the water without twisting my back, popping 4 pills like it's nobody's business and making my way slowly back to the pharmacy. The gals were helpful and even though the didn't think they carried the Body Glide I needed, they did take the time to check their master inventory list. No Body Glide. Minor glitch. Except, I need this for tonight, because I'm swimming tonight. At this point I'm starting to really question whether I'll be able to get myself home, let alone swim, but I was determined and kept going.
Next stop, a few doors up at Olympia. Opening the door was quite a task in itself. I found myself breathlessly asking the "nice lady" a/k/a teen sales person, for "the stuff that helps prevent chafing in a wetsuit" - she pointed to it - on the lower part of a hanging rack. I'm seeing myself looking at her with puppy dog eyes telling her my back is bothering me and asking to please help a sister out. No problem. She's sweet and seems to understand. She grabs it for me and asks what else I need. Heading over to find thin and non-cotton socks; I'm so particular about my socks. Gotta be just right. So she's helping me look at the materials and I'm asking her to hand me a number of different packs of socks that were, of course, on the bottom of a display. Remember, they couldn't be cotton, had to be thin, my preference, of course, was something cute...O, and I don't want to spend $20 on socks. So this nice girl probably thought I was a freak show because as I said, those back spasms take my breath away and I lose my voice as they come and go all the while I'm trying to find the perfect socks on sale. Finally, success, I find what I want and they are on sale (I had to dig to the back to find them) $12.99 for six pair. I hope I like them 'cause they're going to last a while.

My next thoughts are of my open water swim, I'm super psyched about it - been looking forward to it all week...I'm finally gonna get in the water! Not once did I consider not going, but I had made a deal with myself that if I was in pain I would stop and try again the next day.

Fast forward through more back spasms, more frustrations and making it home.

I suddenly get the idea that I should put my tri suit on as "practice" before I go out for the swim with Ali. My "sudden ideas" are rarely sensible. In fact, they never are. But, I didn't want to put it on for the first time in front of anyone, even my dear Ali, for fear of humiliation. I followed all of the directions (it comes with directions of how to put it on!) and was really careful. Everyone says putting the suit on is the worst. Me to myself "How bad can it really be?" - Hmm, let's see, between Rich and I it took a good 1o-15 minutes of hopping around, coaxing/pulling/prodding that stinkin thing on.
Oh, back up to ordering the VORTEX. As I was shopping on line I realized I was right in the middle on the size chart so I asked some pros "should I go up a size or down" ? They all (except one) said go down. BAD choice. BAD Bad Bad. This tri suit is insanely difficult to put on and the XL would have been just fine. Trust me.

Fast forward to present day, I have to scoot now to go do my second open water swim followed by the bike route with Richy. I will finish the post soon. Here are some pics!

Progress Is . . . knowing when to give yourself credit for making positive changes.

Didn't sleep well last night. I think [worrying about] the TRI is taking up a lot of my brain energy, without me even realizing it. I've got to get in a better place mentally - I truly believe that is half the battle!

Feeling grateful for these kind words of wisdom from two experieced tri-athletes:

"The best thing anyone has ever said to me is to smile & enjoy every minute of it! I smiled the whole day at Lake Placid and had a great race."

and

"First and foremost remember to have fun, that is the best advice I can give you. Don't get too excited or nervous about the swim, bike or run...you have done your training and the race is your "reward". Take each section one at a time, don't worry about the next one until you get there."

Very well said. Thank you Valerie and Jeff.

Feeling good about tonight's 2.4 mile run and 12 laps. LOVE love LOVE my TRI playlist. It really kept me moving.

Sleep calls.
B

Who you Calling a Tropical Fish?

The bike. O the bike. Everyone has said to me, "I have never (ever) heard anyone say they are most nervous about the bike leg of a TRI" - seriously, it's like a broken record. "People are always most nervous about the swim." Perhaps after my first open water swim I will switch my anxiety zone to the swim...I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, much thanks to my hub for taking me out tonight. Even if you did HATE the part where I followed you all around with my camera when we were losing daylight.
Love you hun.
Thank you for supporting my training in so many different ways. You hunted down the perfect bike, loaned me your fancy shirt, found me the cool shoes that I can't buckle, gave me your old biking shorts (something that really only spouses should share), smiled for all, *well most* of the pictures, encouraged me up those horrid hills, tried your hardest to teach me about the best way to use my big ring and little ring and about the D Ring and Cog and all those bike terms that mean nothing to me. You are the best, Richy. Perfect Penny. Thanks for taking such good care of me.

Thank you Aaron, you were very kind to go out with me tonight. You are a dear friend. Even if you did not want to be in any pictures.

Thank you Ali for being pre and post ride photographer. Thank you also for being there whenever we need anything. You are a dear and kind and extremely generous friend. It will be fun to share my first open water swim with you Friday ! As I told you, you'll be cursed with being the first to see me in the VORTEX.

Thank you Madi and Izzy for being my swimming partners. I love you both very much.

Ok, all this time thanking my posse and I haven't even written about the bike. O the Bike. There's a reason I'm most nervous about the bike leg....'cause I'm not ready! Holy crap. I dropped a lot of F Bombs tonight - hill after hill after hill - and all the while watching in disgust as Rich and Aaron easily raced each other up every dreadful hill while I was using every ounce of sheer guts to make it just one... more ....inch.... And though we had planned to do the entire 15 mile course, we ran out of daylight and had to stop at 10 miles. What a work out.

Recap: I have a lot of work to do in the next .. what ? 13 days?

Required reading tonight: Xterra Wetsuits User Guide followed by the gripping Rx insert of the Cipro Ear Drops re: Side Effects/Directions. Nice.

While these pictures uploaded I made myself the perfect TFC playlist. I'm going to try it out tomorrow night on my run. I want every song to speak to me!

I will end the post with some pics - I love my pics!
Night.