As I rode tonight - thank you Richy -
I had sooo many thoughts and so much to say. Almost enough to make up for the lack of posts...I will be happy if I get half of it down tonight.
I'm going to start with some reflections based on the playlist I listened to during my run. Tonight it seemed like every singer was speaking to me during my tender time of need! Let me re-cap some tunes for you...
First Song - Jordin Sparks. One Step at a Time. Well duh, this was inspiring (no sarcasm intended) because really, when she sings: "We live and we learn to take one step at a time, there's no need to rush" - she is talking to me, particularly the "TRIathlete" (hahaha) version of me. I keep telling myself as long as I finish - as long as I complete - it's going to be a success. Miss Jordin is the angel telling me everything is going to be okay. Footnote - see PINK's lyrics below to learn what the devil is telling me, that little bastard.
And When JS sings"
"You believe and you doubt. You're confused, you got it all figured out"
I hear the ultimate contradictions that make me feel understood. I do believe I can do this, but I am so disappointed in myself for not taking my training more seriously.
Ok, that's lame and predictable - moving on to Justin Beebs... Never Say Never. Does it get any better ? And the playlist was on Shuffle, just got lucky I guess!
I never thought I could feel this power.
I never thought that I could feel this free.
I'm strong enough to climb the highest tower.
And I'm fast enough to run across the sea
ok, so those last 2 lines (particularly the last line!!) are a little over the top, but you get the point. He's such a little nugget of teeny bopper love - Go Justin Beebs! I'm not ashamed to say I love you! xoxo
On to my hero and idol - PINK. (goodness I am clever).
Made a wrong turn
once or twice.
Dug my way out,
blood and fire.
Bad decisions,
that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Ok that's pretty basic and kind of describes most people's lives at one point or another. (Unless of course you are my husband - AKA Perfect Penny.) Well, this
may have been a poor choice... but I digress...
When PINK goes on to talk to me..oh, and this is the footnote I was talking about above:
"You're so mean
When you talk
about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead"
Note to self: stop all of this negative self talk. What good does it do? Thanks PINK. No wonder you are my # 1 girl crush!
On to Eye of the Tiger (are you jealous of my play list yet??)
Risin' up, straight to the top
Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive
No additional commentary necessary.
Back to Pink-
"So what, I'm still a rock star - I got my rock moves"
Have you seen me dance?
So that sums up my playlist. I definitely need to fine tune it for the TRI so I can have maximum motivation for the run. Ideas welcome!
While I have continued to avoid regular and consistent training I have blamed my lack of motivation on a myriad of different things -work, being too busy with Izzy's activities, spending a lot of time sewing and trying to get birdie & chick up and running, being too tired to function, ongoing health related issues with my Mom, blah blah blah....At the end of the day, what I have described here is LIFE. Nothing more. Nothing less. I have simply got to learn balance. I tend to go for things full speed and I have grand plans (Mania?) and huge ambition (Mania?) my mind races and I get super excited and feel I can do anything (mania?). It is predictable and not terribly surprising that I lose steam, poop out, fail, call it what you want.
At this point, I am feeling okay with myself, despite my gross lack of preparation, and this is probably because what I've described above has been an ongoing trend in my life.
But, what I am not feeling so okay with, what is really making my heart heavy and weighing on my mind, is the fact that I feel I have let someone that I care about down. See, last year, immediately after the TRI, like 10 seconds after I finished, I told my dear BBBBFFFF "you are doing this with me next year" - and silly girl, she went and signed up. I repeatedly told her we'd have so much fun training together and going to clinics and practicing transition. None of which I have been consistent with, or done at all for that matter. Last year you were BY MY SIDE for it all - in that kayak during a hurricane with a camera for goodness sakes, oh and helping to hoist me into the wetsuit... You were so supportive every swim/bike/step of the way, and you continue to be in all areas of our lives. I only hope I can do the same for you. I have been selfish and I owe you so much more than I have given you. Please know that despite my lameness, you mean the world to me. xoxoxox
So, I do feel it's safe to say that I will cross the finish line Sunday. The swimming training has actually gone quite well - no wetsuit this year! Hallelujah!!!! It should be interesting to see how my time stacks up...The bike ride today - holy cow, I had forgotten about most of those hills. My hands got numb, my knees were cracking, my Precious Vahinia is so sore it hurts to sit down. And those freakin' bike shoes, who invented those awful things? Al, I wore the new kicks tonight - thank you! They are perfect. And I finally have a new outfit so I don't have to look like Kermit this year - instead I will be going for more of a "Tinky Winky - The Gay Teletubby" look.
do you see the resemblance?
Wish me well - please - I need all the good loving vibes I can get.
My fund raising this year is pretty bleak. In the interest of raising money for a cause close to my heart, please feel free to stop by and donate a few dollars!
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